Motivation

When you want to lose weight, you have to have the right motivations. Without proper motivation, you'll just be running off of willpower, and we all know that willpower only lasts for about two milliseconds. (Did you ever read Frog and Toad Together as a kid? Best lesson about willpower right there.)

I've tried losing weight numerous times before. I tried diet pills, Atkins, counting calories, diet smoothies, the blood type diet... You name it, I probably tried it. But all of those times that I started a new diet, the only thing motivating me was that I didn't feel pretty. I wanted to be thin like my friends. I wanted to look in the mirror and feel happy. That motivation, while it did get me started, did not last long. I would start a diet, do well for a few weeks, then something would happen: I would splurge and eat dessert, or I'd get stressed and start eating anything and everything I could find. Then the guilt would set in. The voice in the back of my head would be saying, "You can't do this. You're such a loser. You have no control!" And pretty soon, I'd be back on the couch with my Ben & Jerry's and a large spoon. I've learned it has to be more than that. You have to have something bigger pushing you than just wanting to be pretty. Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? What does "pretty" even mean?

I may not be at my goal weight yet, but I know that I will reach that weight. Why is this time any different from the others? Two reasons: 1. Weight Watchers and 2. Motivations.

I highly recommend Weight Watchers because it's not a diet; it's a lifestyle. I can't expect to lose weight and keep it off by doing some crazy fad diet for a few weeks. I've tried it. It doesn't work for me. Weight Watchers is teaching me better habits: proper portion sizes, nutritional value, etc. I could go on for days as to why I would recommend WW over any other weight loss plan or diet, but that's not the point of today's blog. I'll write another post about that later. 

When I set out to lose weight at the beginning of the year, I had several motivations. First, I had just applied to nursing school. I knew that to be a good nurse, I would need to be in better physical shape. Nursing is a physically demanding job, and I didn't want my weight to hold me back from my dreams. But this was only one small thing pushing me towards my goal.

A bigger motivation for me was being asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. When I found out who the other bridesmaids were, I cringed. I knew I was the biggest one. The other girls are all a size zero. I'm certainly no where near a zero. I knew that the wedding pictures would look awkward; four skinny minis and me. The true slap in the face came when we went shopping for our dresses. I went to try on one of the sample dresses and quickly realized it wasn't going to fit. It wouldn't even make it over my boobs! I started checking the sizes on the dresses and discovered all of the dresses were at least five sizes too small. The boutique didn't have sample dresses in my size. Ouch. My eyes welled up with tears in the dressing room. I couldn't try on anything. I had to offer my opinion based on what the other girls tried on, and then order a dress not knowing if it would fit or how it would look on me. I was so embarrassed. To add insult to injury, the boutique called me a week or two later and informed me that my dress would cost an additional $50 because it was larger than a size 16. Double Ouch. I then became determined to have my bridesmaid's dress NOT fit me when it arrived, only this time, the dress was going to be too big, not me.

However, the biggest motivation of all came when I started experiencing a fluttering feeling in my chest a few months ago. I went to the doctor and after some tests, the doctor told me I just had some rhythm irregularities and he sent me on my way. I'm 22 years old! I should not have heart rhythm irregularities. I asked for a referral to a cardiologist. I just saw the cardiologist earlier this week and he wants to run more tests. I'll be sure to write a post later with the results and all that jazz. The heart stuff just made me realize that my poor choices were hurting my health. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (google it) when I was 16, and my doctor told me the best thing I could do was lose weight. I did lose weight after my initial diagnosis, thanks to the medication I was put on. But it didn't take long for me to slowly start packing on the pounds again. So when I started feeling that fluttering in my chest, I knew I absolutely had to make changes. If I continued to live my life the way I had been, things would only get worse. I was, and still am, determined to take better care of myself. 

So on January 5, 2012, I rejoined Weight Watchers. Yes, I had tried WW before, but because I didn't have good motivations, I never stuck with it. Like I said, willpower only lasts for two milliseconds. Now that I have multiple reasons to keep going and my motivation is coming from something bigger than just my appearance, I know I can do this. I've never felt this motivated before. I've lost 39.2 pounds so far. Only 38.8 lbs left!